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I texted her that I love her with all my heart, that ill invest a lot of patience and kindness, that ill be there for her, that ill listen to her feelings and her story's, that ill do this and that.
She told me to move on though.

My heart shattered as she told me that 2 days ago.
Since 19 years im suffering in my own sins and mistakes.
Atleast my regret hasn't left me yet.
It has been more loyal to me than her.
I wish I could swallow a bullet and end it all, but not even brave enough for that.
I hate myself, so much I dont wanna look into the mirror anymore.
Everytime I do I just remember all the bad things and all the mistakes I made, im a mistake, im THE mistake.
All I do is bad and wrong.
Sometimes I just keep quiet to remember all my failures.
I just wish to be held by someone, but I forgot that im nobody's first priority and that I will never be someones first priority.
I wish there would be someone who loves me the same as I do.
But its wtv, im unimportant as always.
I have no meaning.
Its like typing all this, as if someone would read it all..
Im mentally exhausted and tired of myself.

But its whatever. Ill just cry as usual.
Thank whoever readed this.