Atychiphobia

I’ve slowly become disillusioned with what I've become. I’ve been so stressed lately that I no longer feel like myself. I feel like all of the memories I once enjoyed of myself are slowly being ripped away from me and being replaced with something more disturbing. I’m so scared of failing and yet I feel like a complete failure at the moment. Every time I take breaks it isn’t necessarily because I’m busy. Most times they’re periods of time where I even consider continuing with this or not. That’s the debate I’m constant having with myself daily. I have hobbies aside from this and I always debate with myself over whether I should continue with them or not. I’m fully aware that I should, it’s good for my mental health, but at the moment the mental state I’m in is preventing me from even wanting to do this. I’m too worried about what others think about me. I mean look at me right now, seeking validation from a group of strangers on a strange website. Why am I even writing this? Do I want compliments. Validation? Sympathy. At this point I don’t even know anymore. This description is mainly just to serve as a word vomit for all of my feelings right now.