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help xD

Posted on: Aug 19, 2023
About 2 years ago
54
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it'll be in the comments since it might be long
i think something is wrong with me??? mentally??? like i know i have ocd, depression, anxiety, ya'know the works xDDDD
but maybe i have something else wrong? my parents don't think so but i don't think they care enough and just think i'm overreacting. so, yeah

also if i randomly die i'll come back and start writing more later on tonight/tomorrow whenever

ALSO
my crush is coming over to my house tuesday or wednesday so we can hang out, play minecraft, and go to the beach. really excited :DDD

also ALSO yes things are getting better in my family/house situation, it might be okay :)
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Comments: 16

ivyleaff
ivyleaff
That’s good (the last part) hope ur ok tho
And the last part I mean in the description
ivyleaff
thatdxpressedwolfy
so why try? this suffocation kills me slowly. and they laugh and tell me to be normal. act as if i dont relieve this trauma every day. act as if i dont tremble when they lift their hand to fix their hair. act as if im FINE, IM FINE because im not and they cannot listen.
what would happen if i went away? would they care? they say they would but i doubt it.
the only reason i am here is because of me. me and this body that shakes and trembles, pulsing with LIFE but i want to DIE
how can i fix this? I CANT, I CANT
so i tremble and shake and choke these words out, sobbing as my life leaks out of me.
im drowning
but are they? i hope they save themselves and swim to shore, without me. because if they live, at least they're happy
if i live, im still dying
I CANT, I CANT
Why do I think u can make a song out of this, for me it sounds like a song basically
ivyleaff
thatdxpressedwolfy
soo, for the past two years or so, i've been kinda weird
i dont really know how to explain it :shrugs:
basically
i feel like i have so much ENERGY and i dont know how to use it. i cant explain it. my hands feel as if i could hold the world but i feel so weak that i drop it
and it
f
a
l
l
s
and there is nothing i can do but watch as it shatters
i cry often, and i dont know why
the tears seem to fill the empty silence that is me and nothing else
people cannot communicate with me, as if im alien and not normal
i say wrong things
but i know what i mean
but they come out so wrong and i dont know why
my right leg will violently shake when i have panic episodes
and i cannot STOP IT
i wish it would calm
but it never does
You and I are so similar-
ivyleaff
That’s good (the last part) hope ur ok tho
ChocFrogAddict
uh
uh
are you ok :sob:
this looks like something thats straight out of a book
like
this is exactly what happens in books when the MC has a panic/depression episode
so yes
i am here
4 days late
wondering if you are ok bc im geniunely concerned for your well being rn :sob:
thatdxpressedwolfy
so yeah, what the heck is wrong with me? i can think straight, i cant talk right, and the simplest of task get me freaking out (i often bang my head against the wall, start pacing, rip my hair out, slap myself, just shake, make weird noises, and cry. i cry a lot lol). why is this? do any of you know?
will we ever?
is this just my anxiety? i doubt it. everyone else's anxiety isn't this extreme. they don't feel this energy that i can't control, do they? my friend has anxiety and it's not like this. she shakes her leg and bites her lip and trembles. i scream, i cry, i shake, i FEEL. i slam my head against a wall because im afraid of burning fish lol.
so yeah. help me xD
thatdxpressedwolfy
curse of harboring this body from which is not mine. i am not me. i am not i. i never will be, so why try?
thatdxpressedwolfy
i speak to those who don't care enough to listen. they don't bother with me. why try?
I DONT KNOW.
they'd rather make friends with shadows than me.
what is wrong with me?
WHO AM I?
i am no one. i am not the ocean that flows so freely, without bounds or limits, holding its love to the moon, reflecting the sky which cradles it's love so dearly. i am not the mountain that towers above the clouds, trying to find the sun but never successful, always dreaming. i am not the grass that giggles with the touch of the wind. i am not them, nor will i ever be. i am not her, nor will i ever be. i am not him, nor will i ever be. and this body, supposedly 'my' body, is not mine. it is mine but not mine. it will never be, and i will forever be haunted by my demons, the curse
thatdxpressedwolfy
oven, praying i wont fail her.
i can never focus
my hands want to tremble so i can use this energy, and my legs want to violently pulse. i cant think straight and i cant do anything, not even the simplest of tasks. am i really so little that a molehill for them is a mountain for me?
i dont know.
I DONT KNOW.
i want to cry all of the time. i dont know why
i dont know
I DONT KNOW
STOP ASKING ME IF I DONT KNOW
PLEASE, PLEASE.
thatdxpressedwolfy
my hands need to MOVE but i dont know why. i panic and my breathe starts to get quicker. she tells me to make dinner just by putting the fish in the oven
but last time i used the oven
i burnt the pizza
and she had to starve
IM SORRY, i said. I WASNT FOCUSING.
she doesnt say anything. i cry in private, away so she doesnt worry for me. she's dealing with enough.
i dont want to make her starve again. SHE CANT, SHE CANT
so i panic
i cant THINK
eventually i find myself in the corner of the kitchen, ripping my scalp out
all i have to do is put the fish on the tray
but my hands are ALIVE with so much ENERGY i cant THINK or DO
i throw the fish onto the tray, shaking. what to do? I CANT FAIL HER. SHE CANT, SHE CANT STARVE.
so i shake with energy and quickly put the tray into the oven