Plain Bagel

It is the plainest bagel, no bagel has, is, or will be plainer. It is so unbelievably plain. If you were to take a bite out of this thing, it would be so bland you would be vaporized because nobody can handle such tastelessness. This thing is so bland that Gordon Ramsey had to cancel his show just to come and properly flavor this thing. But even he wasn't a match for this bagel. It turned him straight to dust, like Thanos snapped him. You may think this is a joke, but this monster needs to be contained. If it were to be released, there is no way to stop it. Its plainness is too much to stop. It could destroy cities just by its plain smell. If this were to get in the wrong hands, it could be used to take over the world. So, if you're reading this, please try to stop this creature. I can feel my body decaying from thinking about it too much, you may be our only hope. Its only weakness is sa---can't--breathe--help--me *dies plainly*